Part XIX: Etiquette

January 7, 2008
10:05 AM CST

A Reader asked me this question:

I have a question: Is it bad manners, or improper, for me to carry in the home of a friend without disclosing to that person I’m carrying?

Some meat on the hypothetical: my friend isn’t opposed to guns, and we’ve had several conversations about them.  He’s told me once or twice he’d like to have a .45 like he carried in Vietnam.  His spouse is not in favor of firearms ownership by him, though doesn’t seem to care one way or another about ours, and they come to our home often, where they know I have, well, at least one firearm for everyone, family and visitors included.

But when I go to their home, frankly I don’t want to announce that I’m carrying and don’t see any reason I shouldn’t be able to defend myself/ family, especially as the owner/friend isn’t prepared to do this himself.

Is it a breach of etiquette to carry unannounced?  (I’ve been doing just that, and will continue, but want your input on the matter).

This is a really thorny question, and one I’ve grappled with in the past myself.

Fortunately, in my case, anyone who invites me to their house knows that I’m going to be armed—one of the few positives to being a minor celebrity, in this case— so it’s kind of a moot point. But like for my polite Reader (and others in his situation), the question is indeed a tough one.

Here’s my take.

1.) Long before you ever go to someone else’s house, they should be aware that you carry a gun all the time. Thus, should they invite you to their house, it’s a tacit acknowledgement of the fact, and likewise tacit “permission”.

2. Be discreet. Without sounding all Clintonian about the matter, “ Don’t ask, don’t tell” is probably the best policy. The above tacit permission having been granted, there’s no reason that you should “announce” that you’re armed. In many social instances, people operate on the “unseen, no problem” basis. So be discreet about the issue. (This discretion, by the way, is all the more important if they have small kids in the house—don’t leave your loaded gun in your jacket pocket while you go outside and help with the BBQ preparations, for example.)

3. If your host (or hostess) confronts you about your gun, compromise—a little. Offer to unload the piece (and keep the magazine or speedloader handy). If they are still insistent that you take the gun out of the house, tell them politely but firmly that while you respect their wishes and their right to determine the rules for their own property, you likewise refuse to disarm yourself and be a potential victim, regardless of the circumstances. Then leave, regretfully but matter-of-factly. (Of course, if they are close friends, you could put your gun in your car—friendship weighed against potential risk—and that’s a personal compromise that you can always make. But if they’re close friends, they should know you’re always armed.)

90% of the time, this last situation can be avoided by letting the people know that you’re always armed, ahead of time. Then any unpleasantness will be avoided.

I know, people have a right to set their own rules on their property. And you have a right to decide how those rules may affect you, and make your own decision.

Discretion, in this case, is going to work most of the time.

It’s a tough question, but fortunately it’s been less and less of an issue since 9/11, except maybe in the Socialist People’s Republics (aka. Blue America).

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