20 Things A Man Should Do

August 7, 2004
3:41 PM CST

Herewith my own list of things every man should do, or experience, at least once before he dies. They are in no special order.

1. Shoot a gun larger than a .22.
2. Teach a kid to shoot.
3. Cook a meal out in the open (and I don’t mean a backyard BBQ).
4. Kill an animal which can kill you.
5. Taste a good brandy (no French cognacs need apply) and a fine single malt Scotch.
6. Visit at least eight countries outside your own continent, none of which speak your home language.
7. Read any six Shakespeare plays.
8. Win a solo sporting competition—anything that involves physical exercise.
9. Be part of a winning sports team.
10. Make love with a woman in a forbidden place.
11. Have a strange woman invite you home with her; and refuse her, because you’re married.
12. Build something tangible—out of wood, steel, brick, whatever.
13. Sit up all night comforting a sick child.
14. Tell the truth, where a lie would both be undiscoverable, and keep you out of trouble.
15. Watch at least one real virtuoso play a musical instrument—in any kind of music. (I’ve seen Eric Clapton, Itzhak Perlman, and Stephane Grappelli perform, and watched both Solti and Barenboim conduct the Chicago Symphony. Pretty humbling.)
16. Perform on stage (music, theater, whatever), to a large (500+) audience.
17. Play at least one musical instrument competently.
18. Make love to a woman at least ten years older than you are.
19. Tell a government bureaucrat to fuck off.
20. And finally: tell a true story to your grandchildren.

It’s my list: others may vary; void where prohibited.