Ideal States
Kim du Toit
July 28, 2006
8:30 AM CDT
Okay, I’ve brushed on this often enough in Comments to various posts, and I think the topic deserves its own thread.
If we were going to move, where would we move to?
Let me say at the outset that we actually love where we are, in Plano TX because of the following reasons:
1.) No homeschooling issues (by “issues”, I’m referring of course to state restrictions: TX is one of the most “homeschool-friendly” states).
2.) No state income tax. Sure, they make it up in high property taxes, but that’s okay.
3.) Low cost of living. Californians who visit us are astounded at the low housing prices. In Plano, $240,000 buys you a 4BR 3B 2CG and a pool (that’s what we have). $600,000 buys you a new 8BR 6B 4CG. Apartments are a little on the expensive side ($750 for a 2BR 1B), but that’s because we have a
4.) High standard of living. Excellent restaurants, fine shopping, no traffic, no crime.
5.) Conservative politics. We live in one of the most conservative voting districts in the United States, and yet all races are represented here, without any “racial tension”.
6. No stupid gun laws. And when we pass the Castle Doctrine during the next legislative session, it will be even better.
Understand that if we move, that’s the shortlist of desirable attributes.
So Kim, you ask, if all that’s so wonderful, why would you consider moving?
Here they are.
1.) The heat. It absolutely kills me, and I’m from Africa.
2.) No scenery. If you want to see into the next county, you have to drive on a freeway overpass. It’s flat, ugly and boring.
3.) Middle of nowhere. To get anywhere else, you have to drive through miles and miles of nothing for hours and hours, or fly.
4. No seasons. It’s summer, or not-quite summer. I miss the fall, I miss the snow. Terribly.
Here are the problems we face, in considering a move. Places like Idaho or Montana would suit me okay, but, sooner or later, Tech Support would load up the Suburban with ammo and go and shoot up a town, just out of boredom. She jokes that she refuses to live anywhere that doesn’t have a Nordstrom’s within an easy half-hour’s drive—we have three around Plano which qualify—but it’s not Nordstrom’s per se she’s talking about: it’s the other kinds of shopping which cluster around Nordstrom’s because of the area’s demographics. We want to see more Sur La Table outlets than Rent-A-Centers, if you get my drift, and more Greek restaurants (there are five within 5 miles of our house) than Taco Bells (only three of those).
In short, we’re kinda cultural snobs (and not really social ones).
We’re not interested in Serious Culture—the Joffrey Ballet is not on our list of Things To Do On A Saturday Night—but we like classy joints, and don’t want to have to drive a hundred miles to find one.
What distresses me, in looking around at places all over the country, is the Blanding of America. Instead of a Mom ‘n Pop restaurant, there are six chain restaurants instead; instead of a couple of interesting bookstores, it’s all Barnes & Noble/Borders. Wherever I look, I could be just about anywhere in the United States.
That’s why I like smaller towns, as a whole, but unfortunately, just as smaller towns can’t support a Gap store, they also can’t support a Nordstrom’s. Or a decent-sized airport, which is another requirement because of Tech Support’s work.
And then you have Wal-Mart, which has stomped underfoot most of Retail America.
But the real problem is that when I do find a place that’s just a little more interesting than average, it’s politically part of the Blue Archipelago. Austin TX is an excellent example of this, as are Raleigh NC, Augusta ME, Asheville NC and Missoula MT.
So let me do the easy part, and list first the states which I will categorically never live in:
New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Jersey, Maryland, Illinois, Hawaii and California.
Next comes the states which are politically okay, but they fail the “heat” test (I can stay in Texas for that):
Oklahoma, Arkansas, Nevada, Louisiana, Arizona (except maybe around the northern part), New Mexico (ditto), Mississippi, Alabama, Florida, Georgia.
States with “not enough winter” are:
Missouri, Tennessee (except maybe the extreme eastern part), South Carolina, North Carolina.
“Too boring” are:
Kansas, Nebraska, both Dakotas (except maybe S. Dakota around Mt. Rushmore), Iowa. We have “flat” right here in Texas.
“A little too liberal” are
Oregon, Wisconsin, Michigan (that gun registration thing), Washington, Minnesota, Delaware, Maine (I know that the liberalism is confined to the coasts and large cities/college towns in these states—but unfortunately, these states are dominated by said areas, politically).
“Too remote” and “not enough happening” are:
Utah, Alaska, Wyoming, Idaho, Montana, Vermont, W. Virginia.
“Prone to natural disasters” delivers a double whammy to several states: earthquakes (CA, western WA, western OR); tornadoes (KS, OK, eastern CO); hurricanes (FL, coastal GA, -SC, -NC).
What’s left?
Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Colorado, Virginia.
Actual towns/locations which come close, except for some unfortunate circumstances: Ojai CA (it’s in CA, duh); Carson City NV (remote); Petoskey MI (remote); Jackson Hole WY (except for the “Hollywood” influence); Flagstaff AZ (remote), and Bozeman, MT (remote), Fort Collins CO (little too pink).
Some which come agonizingly close: Camden ME, Portsmouth NH; Traverse City MI; Hannibal MO.
The last-named has a definite inside track for us. Both Tech Support and I can see ourselves living our golden years in a little house close to town/van down by the river, and reading Mark Twain to each other when we’re not shooting our .22 rifles off the back porch or spoiling our grandchildren.
We don’t ask for much…