Wait A Minute
March 24, 2007
4:45 AM CST
From a comment made to this article:
Britain should join the US as the 51st state. It would be the most powerful state in the union. Be glad to have you.
Errrrr nazzo fast with the welcome mat, buddy.
If Britain were composed entirely of Stout Bulldogs like Mr. Free Market, The Englishman, David Copperfield and Richard Branson (to name only some of the more famous ones), I’d be the first to offer a welcoming cup of tea. Sadly, however, they’re not. Greatly outnumbering the Bulldogs, however, are the loathsome Commies like Mayor of London “Red Ken” Livingstone and Budget Boss Gordon Brown; slimy neo-socialists like the disgusting Tony and Cherie Blair; hotbeds of wealth-envious Marxism like the Guardian newspaper and Scotland; and finally, the place is crawling with chav scum and welfare-dependent lowlifes.
Now, if we could somehow annex Cornwall, Devon, Somerset, Dorset and Wiltshire, and make them collectively the 51st state, I’d be willing to give it a shot. Hell, I’d even offer to trade Massachusetts for those counties—about the same size, geographically—which would keep us at the aesthetically-pleasing round number of 50 states (no flag redesign necessary, either).
Of course, we’d have to wall off the new state of Old England from the rest of Britistan, but the distance is no greater than the average east Wyoming ranch’s boundaries, so no problems there. Hell, the locals could probably foot the bill themselves, just out of their first year’s income tax savings.
What would those counties bring to the party which would make them worth the effort? Here are just a few.
1.) Bases for future airstrikes against France Frankistan. (That should be the clincher, right there.)
2.) Wonderful beer and some of the best pubs in the world.
3.) A place for us Yanks to leave our guns en route if we decided to visit Londonistan.
4.) Fox hunting (which would once again be permitted, no question).
5.) A new state capital, which, in keeping with our existing state capitals, would be located in the most disgusting city in the area (the locals can vote on which place qualifies). Certainly, it would not be in a beautiful city like Bath or Falmouth.
6.) Unfettered travel between Old England and the United States (and unfettered access for them to our job markets too).
7.) Two words: Wiltshire bacon.
8.) More small-c conservatives in Old England than there are Liberal Rubbish in Massachusetts. (I’m really starting to warm to this “toss Massachusetts” idea.)
Of course, the newly-minted U.S. citizens would have to learn to drive on the “right” (literally) side of the road, but as most of their damn country roads are single-lane affairs anyway, it shouldn’t be too difficult a change to master. Anyway, we could always replace their LH-drive Range Rovers with U.S.-made Ford Explorers and Chevy Blazers. (They would have to get used to pieces falling off after only 25,000 miles instead of after 500 miles, though. And their cars would stand much more than a 50% chance of starting every morning.)
They’d also have to use dollars instead of sterling, but then again, they would have had to get used to using euros anyway, sooner or later.
Then they’d have to renounce that “allegiance to the Queen” thing, which (to their credit) may be difficult for some Bulldogs to swallow. Hmmm… maybe we could postpone the annexation until after HRH Queen Elizabeth passes away—I can’t see too many Bulldogs caring about being loyal to Green Prince Charlie. (And speaking of whom, he’d have to give up the Duchy of Cornwall: I suggest we give him, oh, Cape Cod in exchange; and serve them both right.)
All that “title” stuff would become meaningless, of course, which may come as a wrench to some. However, the greatly-reduced tax burden should sweeten the blow.
And of course, the new citizens of Old England could own pretty much whatever and as many guns as they wanted, without licensing. (The silencers, unfortunately, might have to go—but give us a few months to work on that one.)
They’d have two Senators in Congress (I nominate The Englishman and Captain Haddock), and quite a few representatives in the House.
Any other issues come to mind, Readers?
