When Bookies Fail
September 18, 2008
5:45 AM CST
I’ve been looking on the recent financial calamities with something of a jaundiced eye. No, I’m not indulging in socialist corporate/wealth hate—remember where you’re reading this—but at the same time I think I need to point out a few hard truths about the finance industry.
They’re a bunch of bookies. What they do is lend money, at varying degrees of risk, charging people interest according to that risk. The bet is that people will repay the debts on time.
When they take a risky bet—in the sense that the default is more likely, they lay the bets off, or sell the betting slips to other bookies who are more solvent, and are also willing to take the risk.
Then you have the insurance companies, who are the biggest bookies of them all, because they bet against catastrophe, once again with varying degrees of exposure covered by higher or lower premiums paid by the insurees. (Their “form” books are compiled by actuaries—a high-falutin’ term for oddsmakers.)
And then you have the currency-, futures- and stock traders—the biggest punters of them all—who bet on outcomes, and who often finance their activities by betting on the turn (that they’ll make enough money to cover their investments before the bill comes due).
So I look on all their woes and travails with, as I said, a jaundiced eye, much as I would the sight of a Las Vegas casino going bankrupt.
What I don’t understand is why ordinary people would be so surprised at the fact that in the heart of the money business lies greed, mendacity, fraud and cupidity. What else did you expect?
Yeah, I know that all this is going to affect the economy, accustomed as we are to living beyond our means and relying on credit to finance our lives.
But I fear not for the once-overpaid people who are most affected by the various crashes—the thousands of people who one day went to work at Lehmann Brothers only to find the place empty and their salaries unpaid, for example. At worst, they’ll be taught a lesson in hubris and morality—for despite all the propaganda, they are not the “Masters of the Universe”—and while some will bounce back, others will pay the price. It serves them all right for having such short memories.
Here’s someone even more cynical than I am:
You fuckers didn’t want an actively regulated market when you were splicing and dicing toxic debt and selling this shit as if its shinola to unwitting third world countries who have difficulty with potable water (which I’m cool with, no playa hatas here). Then, the market bitch slaps you one down day after five years of offering up its fake breasts for you to snort the toxic lines of cocaine that is shit debt like Tony Montana and you get your undescended testicles in bind and go crying to the paradoxically named Chris Cox.
Reminds me of the joke told at the end of the 1980s, when there was a similar crash caused by greed and overreach:
Q. What do you call a yuppie investment banker?
A. ”Hey, waiter!”
It’s cruel, but that’s capitalism.