Guilty As Charged

November 20, 2008
6:15 AM CST

Okay, I admit to this crime. From Scaryduck:

Tit window: The opportunity, in any conversation or meeting with a young lady, to stare at her breasts whilst she is distracted by other matters. An art form that can be both challenging and rewarding.

I wish I could say that I could do something about this—and in work settings, I have to make a Supreme Effort—but generally, I can’t. If a woman has any kind of decent superstructure, my eyes are drawn thither as though by some ancient, magnetic force.

At this point, my Lady Readers may all forsake me in a huff, and I probably deserve their censure. But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, allow me to say that I still occasionally catch myself, like Scary, glancing at my own wife’s superstructure: and we’ve been together for a dozen years.

I dunno. Some people are going to say (not in exculpation, but in explanation) that my fascination for bodacious tatas stems from my early adolescence, which, as it happens took place in the 1960s, at the precise moment when women decided that they were going to Burn Their Bras And Let It All Hang Out, Baby. The ghastly coincidence of the arrival of metric tons of teenage hormones along with universally-apparent boobs should not be downplayed.

And I admit that I do sometimes feel ashamed of myself. Really—it’s not some PC-inspired mea culpa here, I genuinely want to beat myself over the head when I discover that my glance has shot unerringly towards, say, someone’s maiden aunt’s topside. The age of the owner, as you may gather, doesn’t seem to matter to my eyeballs (or, more correctly, to my brain’s simian impulse which directs the gaze).

Hell, ”simian” used in that sense is an insult to apes, because they don’t spend most of their waking hours gawking at the herd’s females’ upper danglies.

Even worse: it doesn’t matter if said mammaries are covered up. My eyes do the same movie-like zoom to this girl’s upper assets:

...as I am to this pair (drawn by the same artist, Gil Elvgren):

Heck, even Edwardian fashion gets my neck to swivel like a Phalanx missile launcher.

And even more wonderfully, the more covered-up, the better:

However, I plead “justifiable peeking” when accused of caddish staring, and in front of me there is this on display:

Comments

Bottom of Comments | Original Post

It’s worse for me. I am inexorably drawn to the “derriere window,” the “thigh window,” the “calf window,” the “ankle window,” and in certain situations the “tummy window.” I have even been known to steal a glance through the “small of the back window\” and the “nape of the neck window.”

Help me, Kim!

Author ID: 2714 | 11/20/2008 06:30 AM CST | #138599


Guilty as charged as well. There’s just something…

Author ID: 6430 | 11/20/2008 06:30 AM CST | #138600


Likewise guilty!

I dunno Kim, TWO pictures of Nigella in one day?  Are you trying to kill me?????

Author ID: 5213 | 11/20/2008 06:50 AM CST | #138607


I have a co-worker, who is attractive, nice, and has a fondness for low-cut tops- not indecently so, but the chairs at our desks recline, and that changes things a bit.

She is immensely distracting.



Author ID: 353 | 11/20/2008 06:57 AM CST | #138609


Same here.  Guilty as charged.  But, I think with a good lawyer, we can beat the rap.  Allow me to put forth one of my favorite pet theoryies.

Homo Sapien is an carnivore/omnivore.  We can eat just about anything from mastadon to rabbit food.  We were designed or evolved as hunters though, not prey.  Hence the forward looking stereoscopic vision, the varied teeth.  But lacking any real natural weapons such as claws, talons, or crushing jaws we were given the most powerful weapon known to nature.  A large brain and the ability to reason beyond just habitual behavior needed to survive. 

Within the species, the male has traditionally been the hunter, while the female tended more toward gathering.  This evolutionary trend is evident in many modern behaviors.  An example, though not very scientific in nature but still very indicative, is clothes shopping.  A man needs a new pair of shoes.  He goes into a shoe store and buys what he wants then leaves.  Concentration on a single, goal oriented task.  A woman needs a new pair of shoes.  She goes into a mall and buys the shoes she needs.  She buys the shoes the doesn’t need.  Oh and since she’s there, she might as well check out what’s on sale in the clothes section, etc, etc.  She gathers what she needs now AND what she knows she’ll need later.  Men still have the more powerful upper body strength while women have better muscle control (which makes them better pistol shots naturally, but I digress).  In all things, this makes men and women, combined, an effective survival pair.

Now, in order for survival pairs to happen, Mother Nature threw us a loop.  The male must hunt out his complimentary counterpart.  The male having evolved as primarily a hunter, is visually stimulated by those things he desires in a mate.  Body characteristics that give us subliminal clues that a woman will be a strong mate, and a healthy mother.  Like a cat watching a piece of string twitching will instinctively attack the string, men instinctively watch a woman’s body.  The male brain, having been stimulated visually, goes into overdrive and produces endorphins which in turn release hormones which then go coursing through our bodies, shutting down brain functions and heightening the mating response which in turn make us act like fools.  It is our catnip, our downfall.  It just ain’t our fault.  Blame Mother Nature.

I rest my case.

Author ID: 8640 | 11/20/2008 07:06 AM CST | #138611


At this point, my Lady Readers may all forsake me in a huff, and I probably deserve their censure.

Are you kidding me?  As long as a guy isn’t an asshole about it, it’s flattering to be checked out, and most guys can’t help it anyway.  Like I said, just don’t be a jerk.  Besides, I’ve been around some “ladies” (I use the term *very* loosely) who show so much cleavage in the daylight hours that anyone, male or female, can’t help but stare.

Author ID: 2090 | 11/20/2008 07:50 AM CST | #138615


Kim it just proves that we are normal unlike Gay men who seen to notice things like Shoes! Me i just like looking at a well shaped female form the boobs, bum,legs the lot thank you.

Author ID: 8785 | 11/20/2008 07:50 AM CST | #138616


Several years ago, I had to spend some time working around a very attractive lady while I was fixing her computer.  She made a point of removing her shoes and bustling around the office in her sexy stockings, her perfectly painted toenails teasing me… Plus, she would wear dresses or blouses prone to open like a parachute whenever she bent over in the slightest degree, which she seemed to do all the time.
Her bra???  Filmy to the point of transparency, and she seemed to take extra effort to display it as much as possible.

I never said anything to her about her attire the entire time I worked around her.  I could tell she was having a world of fun teasing me, and I didn’t mind looking.  Of course, if she had complained about the ghastly PC repairman scoping out her wares all the time, I could have pointed out her style of dress and actions… like that would make a difference.

To all you female readers:  PLEASE, if you don’t want men looking at your goodies, COVER THEM UP.  Dave Chapelle does a standup bit about women who dress like whores, but aren’t.  The woman says, “Hey!  Just because I’m dressed this way, does not make me a whore!” Dave says, “Well, if I dress in a policeman’s uniform and someone runs up on me screaming for help, I can say, ‘Hey!  Just because I’m dressed like a cop, does not make me a police officer!’”
So, he tells the lady, “Okay, so you aren’t a whore.  But, you are wearing a whore’s uniform!”

Author ID: 9388 | 11/20/2008 07:58 AM CST | #138618


You are absolutely killing me.

How am I supposed to work now?

Author ID: 7253 | 11/20/2008 07:58 AM CST | #138619


Thanks for the link again, Kim.

My original article fails to point out that I, too, am guilty of occasionally finding my eyes drawn to my own beloved’s magnificent Devil’s Pillows. And this is how it should be.

Author ID: 10286 | 11/20/2008 08:08 AM CST | #138621


I still vividly recall being on a first date and getting caught giving the young lady in question the once over and settling my eye on the region in question.  Fortunately the young lady took this as a compliment.  One thing led to another and we’ve now been happily married for over a year.

Author ID: 11774 | 11/20/2008 08:09 AM CST | #138622


TFBNCC has it nailed.
We are hardwired to do it, and the Guilt/Enjoyment quotient of doing so, is key to the biological release. What’s more, the gals (at least the normal ones) are hardwired to try and do it to us, regardless of whatever meaningless protestations they may utter!

Author ID: 7964 | 11/20/2008 08:21 AM CST | #138624


Well mankind is in heat full time.  It is reported that the average male thinks about sex every six minutes.  That seems about right or a bit under from my memories of high school anyway. 

One school of thought holds that a lot of the way women dress involves dominance games among themselves??
Given the money spent on uber bras there might be something to that.  “Look! Mine are bigger and better than yours!”

Way back when, an aquaintenance of mine married a girl with a very nice rack.  It was a happy marriage but the guy confessed that on his wedding night that he found out they were mostly padding. (That shows you how long ago that was).  Anyway someone asked if he was pissed.  He said no, he was surprised, but he said he primarily married her because he loved her, and as long as she didn’t complain about the size of his attribute he wasn’t going to complain about the size of hers.

Author ID: 67 | 11/20/2008 08:26 AM CST | #138628


Guilty.

But I also confess to using the “ass-window.”

Author ID: 10486 | 11/20/2008 08:36 AM CST | #138632


Guilty but don’t feel the least bit guilty about it.  I’ve accepted that it’s in my nature to look at many while remaining faithful to my wife(’s).

Author ID: 8662 | 11/20/2008 08:42 AM CST | #138634


*LOL*

You know what they say about (*ahem*) boobies!  Once you seen one pair, you want to see them all!

I love that line, because it’s Gods honest truth!

Author ID: 7681 | 11/20/2008 08:50 AM CST | #138637


The magic is in the mystique. My lady dresses conservatively and always has. She is thirty years younger than I am and a red haired petite gal that listened to her mother when she was raised.

The wrappping on the package is only part of the gift. The un-wrapping is half of the joy.
Window shopping is what men do. It is not a crime. It is very natural. My lady is very secure in knowing the following:

*Just remember to only open the package with your name on the tag.
*Do it gently and with the proper tenderness & respect.
*Young boys have eyes larger that their abilities
*Men make promises that they can keep.

So window shop all you want but take care about opening the package.
The wrapping paper is not as important as the gift that waits inside.
I have the experience having of a former spouse that was well wrapped but not worth the time spent
un-wrapping.
Over the course of my 58 years I learned that lesson and a gal that is 30 years my junior supports that concept. A slow dance is the best.

She knows that my eyes stray like when I go to the gunshop in town but common sense prevails.
Don’t buy what You don’t intend to keep.

Author ID: 9598 | 11/20/2008 09:16 AM CST | #138645


If women don’t want men looking at their cleavage, don’t put it on blatant display.
And I think women do it as much to show off to other women, as they do to attract men’s attention.

Author ID: 372 | 11/20/2008 09:22 AM CST | #138648


My wife and I used to own a retail business and we had a manager who was a small little blonde and she liked to wear tight low cut blouses and have fun letting men stare at her.  After a bit it got so bad that we called her into the office and had a little conference about keeping those puppies under wraps while she was working.  She was good natured about the situation, understood what we wanted and adjusted her attire.  It sure made it easier for me to work around her because I could see her face again.

A little side note, after managing people for a lot of years I learned to let my wife do the talking when couseling, with kindness, any female about her appearance.

Author ID: 7907 | 11/20/2008 09:53 AM CST | #138657


ajdshootist, you are mistaken if you think that gay men don’t check out women’s bodies. I’ve had a gay friend opine to me on how women should look—they should look womanly and feminine. Of course, he was also Cuban so he probably had that Latin male conditioning working on him as well. Of course, many gay men seem to want to be women, or a caricature of femininity anyway. But why do you think so many gay males are fashion designers? They like to look at women as beautiful objects; the only difference is they don’t want to have sex with them. No, I don’t really understand it either—but straight or gay, men are more like each other than like women.

Author ID: 6997 | 11/20/2008 10:17 AM CST | #138663


“It is reported that the average male thinks about sex every six minutes.”

Keep in mind, that’s just an average.

Author ID: 8681 | 11/20/2008 10:48 AM CST | #138670


It’s still A.M. in the PRK, it’s only Thursday, and I’ve got work to do…
Kim, you are sure as hell wrapping this up with p’nash.

Author ID: 11563 | 11/20/2008 11:00 AM CST | #138672


Guilty as charged as well. There are many days at work where I have to stare at the far wall of the store to keep my eyes from lurking elsewhere when a female customer leans over on the desk.

Author ID: 11655 | 11/20/2008 11:24 AM CST | #138682


Double dammit!
--
littlejbg

Author ID: 10790 | 11/20/2008 11:32 AM CST | #138685


I am drawn to staring at boobies if they happen to “stand out” from the norm in some way.

My biggest problem is the magnetic draw of a woman’s beautifully curved backside. However, I do agree with Bill Engvall’s belief that wearing thong underwear should require an application process.

Author ID: 10833 | 11/20/2008 12:07 PM CST | #138691


It was the landlord where I lived in Costa Mesa who, when she signed me up for email, gave me the handle “Mellon_Man_Bill”. And yes- she did have, errrr, great attributes.

Author ID: 8348 | 11/20/2008 12:20 PM CST | #138697


We can probably dispense with the admissions of guilt. Its understood. I like to think I’m pretty good at the various anatomical “windows,” but I still give myself a pat on the back when I can talk to an attractive lady for a few minutes while staring her straight in the eye. A few of my friends are well endowed women and if I haven’t mastered the windows with them, they sure don’t seem to mind.

Author ID: 11166 | 11/20/2008 12:36 PM CST | #138700


“I, too, am guilty of occasionally finding my eyes drawn to my own beloved’s magnificent Devil’s Pillows.”

Scary, I think (and I believe I speak for many) we need to see the photographic evidence of said Pillows, so we can exonerate you.

0 Author ID: 1 | 11/20/2008 01:20 PM CST | #138725


Sandy like to tell me that she glad I look at other women - it gives her a chance to grow skin back (eyeballs will wear off skin if they continuously graze on the same spots!), and it proves that I’m both alive AND a MALE human!
Because with some of the hotties she’s “caught” me looking at, if I DIDN’T look at them, she’d have me in the funeral home - convinced I was already DEAD, and too stupid to fall over!
As long as I remember that I’m not blind, and therefore I don’t need to use Braille…

Author ID: 8889 | 11/20/2008 01:21 PM CST | #138726


I honestly cannot remember an age when I did NOT (surreptitiously or otherwise) sneak a peek when the offering was made ... there’s something glandular about it, and I have never bothered to analyze it further.

One of the things I discussed with my wife prior to our marriage (besides the Kids Thing, the Gun Thing and the Money Thing) was my propensity for window-shopping ... we got it quite clear on What It Meant and why it happened and how it would go no further.

One of her many qualities is her buy in on that particular subject.

Author ID: 8772 | 11/20/2008 02:24 PM CST | #138740


You think you’ve got problems? When I am paying attention to the real world, I take great pains to keep to only the briefest of glances at women’s accoutrements. Unfortunately, I live a lot of my life inside my own head, either plain old daydreaming, or trying to work out how to do something that I’ve thought up, or maybe going over something technical I’ve read that sounded interesting. The problem with that is, my eyes wander and often I will find them fixed on some nearby woman’s cleavage, while I am having an expression of deep concentration on my face. When I get caught at this I never know whether to simply allow them to believe I was actually concentrating on them or to tell them the truth that I wasn’t even seeing their boobs, even though my eyes were apparently boring holes in them.

Author ID: 209 | 11/20/2008 02:45 PM CST | #138746


There is something about the forbidden-fruit quality for me. The lady who wears an extremely short skirt may get a glimpse from me but nothing more. The lady who wears a knee-length skirt with a slit that gives an occasional glimpse of thigh will get my attention every time.

Author ID: 10533 | 11/20/2008 03:48 PM CST | #138759


Just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I can’t read the menu and If I didn’t look it’s because I’m dead.

I genuinely want to beat myself ...

And therein lies the reason you must wear glasses.

Author ID: 7701 | 11/20/2008 05:59 PM CST | #138775


Phalanx is not a missile launcher...Oh wait, yeah, me too, although I’m more of a leg man

Author ID: 5738 | 11/20/2008 06:19 PM CST | #138776


hahaha, and now kaba is my new best friend. 

Time to toot my own horn.  Not too long ago I was talking to my brother and lamenting about how guys my own age are just not into me.  However, men ten years older and on are very interested.  My 25 year old brother said, “That’s because you have class.”

Author ID: 2090 | 11/20/2008 06:23 PM CST | #138778


Kaba said: The lady who wears a knee-length skirt with a slit that gives an occasional glimpse of thigh will get my attention every time.

BINGO!

I hate those dresses!  Those skirts and dresses with the slit up the side to allow the flash of leg turn me into a drooling moron every time (my wife says that I actually don’t have far to go - she’s a sweet thing).

There is more to being sexy than letting it all hang out.  A woman who knows how to dress can really make heads turn.

Author ID: 7681 | 11/20/2008 08:19 PM CST | #138791


I’ve found myself looking and trying not to look and looking because I’m not supposed to look but wanting to look where I’m really not supposed to be looking and so on.  I finally decided once to just LOOK and enjoy the look and truly look and the result was that the rest of the meeting was easy to concentrate on as I had no more must/can’t/want/can’t/need/can’t/maybe I can/can’t running through my head distracting my attention. 

And now that I just look to enjoy and leave it at that, the memory and pleasure of what I see lasts a lot longer too. 

And I have an advantage.  My glasses are so thick, my eyes show up so small that no one can tell where they are looking at unless significant (the range from face to breast is too small to be detectable with my eyes - yeah!).

Author ID: 11102 | 11/20/2008 10:27 PM CST | #138795