By Kim
April, 7 2002
I was just thinking idle thoughts about the dear-departed Queen Mother, and it got me thinking along a different line. The old girl was known for many things, but chief among them was the fact that she was a heroic tippler (or, as the man once said, she put in some really plucky work with the elbow). Her appetite for gin-and-tonics was legendary--in fact, had she not imbibed so much, she may have made it all the way to, oh, 102.
I think that one of the problems with our world today is that the 3-martini lunch has disappeared, thanks to our grim modern generation of Carrie Nations and their lickspittles in government. People no longer visit the bar or pub after work for a couple of pre-homegoing snorts, and I believe that Western civilization, at least in the United States, has suffered in consequence.
Here’s the problem: if you have a couple of drinks every day, pretty soon your metabolism gets used to it, and you’re able to function quite well, in the sense of being able to drive, or hold a meeting, for instance. If you stop drinking, your body likewise adjusts--which means that one drink has an effect on you quite disproportionate to the level of alcohol it contains.
No more. From now on, I intend to have at least one drink around lunchtime, and more if the mood takes me. I can think of no better way to get through the day than to soften its jagged edges with a sherry or two. This doesn’t mean I’ll be wasted by five p.m., although if the day has included dealing with a government department, the possibility of intoxication should not be discounted.
Visitors to my office will be offered a drink, regardless of the hour, in the manner of J.R. Ewing in the TV soap Dallas, and if more than one is requested, the offer will be accommodated. I’m not going to act as some moral arbiter or behavioral watchdog--we’re all grownups now, and your ability to handle liquor is your own concern. As my old Dad once put it, “Friends don’t count your drinks for you.”
I am convinced that the problems in the Middle East are largely due to the absence of liquor among Muslims--if ever there was a group in need of a relaxing pink gin or two, it’s that lot.
And for those who would sniff at my little indulgence, or call me a lush, screw you.
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